a dream I refuse to participate in

In my dream last night people were suspiciously holding me up on my way out of the supermarket. It was as if my head wasn’t done yet thinking up the street and the storyline and it was stalling me.

I refused to enable this dream.

So I turned towards the produce aisle
and crawled among the apples.

pic by sheridanck
There. Make a storyline out of that, dream master!

in other sleep related news:
1. the doctor’s office forgot to send a fax to the sleep clinic two months ago and my request wasn’t processed. I discovered this last week and fixed it but have been waiting for naught for months now.
All the while having bad sleep.
Tomorrow I’ll ring the clinic, check that they did get the paperwork. Then it’s a three month waiting period and then I can go and have a sleep study.

2. while I do lie awake now again every night I am waking up better rested. After my hour and a half insomnia I take a morsel of Hydrocortisone and this makes my body relax and allows for two hours good sleep. Instead of the broken snooze I used to have.

I have two possible explanations for this: one is that the cortisol dampens an allergic reaction or CNS alarm that otherwise keeps me from sleeping. This could be something lung related or throat related or gut related as these three areas give me pain/trouble at night.
Or this cortisol covers some of the usual awake response in cortisol levels, making me not dip too low.
Either way: I wake up feeling not too bad and I do not have to wait 45 minutes to come from a very very bad place.

I have better stamina during the day, presumably because of this. I also cover my cortisol and progesterone needs during the day better. (I now take 100 mcg of Progesterone every night. It doesn’t help me sleep -no allopregnanolone for me- but it does seem to cover my base line need for the hormone better)

Because of better stamina I try to be more physical active during the day. Having just spend 2 weeks in the city I’ve been walking and walking and showering and cooking. Doing multiple things on single days.
Physical activity is the best way to get hormone levels in flux and in balance so I’m really pleased.

I’ve had the opportunity and stamina to meet various knitter friends during these weeks and we had lovely cups of tea and chats and wool and spindle fondling. This makes me wildly happy.
Wild happiness is the best companion for a chronic illness.

PS
taking 50 mcg of vit D3 also helps. It really does. Never ever ever do I want to go too low on vit D again.

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Doc says: go pee!

Well, no gruesome lumpy news from my docter this morning! My liver and gallbladder look fine and blood results indicate they work just fine.
My kidneys are being weird however. One has an “angiomypolygoom” (phonetic doctorspeak) which is a cluster of blood vessels and is called a “storks bite” when it presents on the outer skins of babies. Nothing serious.

Nothing serious, just a Stork giggle

pic by Turkkan35

What ís serious though, is that my kidney swells up whenever my bladder does. This is not good. Not good at all.

I have not found the medical term yet but doc says I NEED TO PEE MORE OFTEN. Really.

Great.

How do I go about that? erm….

  1. whenever I think of drinking, make a cup of tea
  2. whenever I pass the toilet, go pee
  3. throw something colourful in the middle of the room, whenever I see it, go pee.

I am going to try to pee every hour I think.

pic by Alan Witikoski

My doctor explains things weird. “Cholesterol is a bunch of buses running through your veins.” LDL-busses break down all the time, spilling their passengers and clogging the roads with their bus-carcasses. Good cholesterol busses don’t break down. And leave no passengers stranded.

I have high cholesterol, both LDL and HDL. Which makes the ratio ok. I could take pills, he said. Or I could nót take up smoking. And don’t get Diabetes. I had to promise. “Promise me you won’t put sugar in the tank of your buses!”

HAHAHA! Cackle! Cackle! Cackle!

pic by Andreas Krappweis

My higher intake of Zinc and vit D over the last 6 months has now put me into the right zone. Result! I can lower the Zinc somewhat. I had already noticed I no longer have Copper toxicity symptoms. Much. It was a tiresome Summer, getting the Zinc up but now I can go down to maintenance doses. Yay!

Then there was the cortisol blood level. Measured at 8 in the morning, before I took pills or food.

Value came back as 0,3

yeah…. I did notice I trembled a bit…

normal value is 25 to 60

yeah…

pic by Luka Rister

I am going to thing about that one for a bit.  Cause. Consequences. Strategy.

We finished the consultation with a small lecture about the lining of the belly. This is a most interesting organ. It reacts to whatever upsets one of the organs. It moves in, it migrates towards the upset place. For example, it might encapsulate an inflamed appendix, trying to fix it. And it does fix it (if the inflammation doesn’t kill you first).

I have a bit of fluid in “the cellar” of the abdominal lining. Indicating one of the organs in my belly was upset. But not enough to get a major reaction from the lining. Something as “small” as an egg bursting free (ovulation) might cause that small puddle. Not to worry.

Then we talked about linear medicine and medicine that addresses levels of functioning health. Linear is when you fall, you break something, you get a cast, you heal. The other has to do with levels of health. When you function at a subnormal level, as I do, the body still is in harmony. It has found some sort of balancing act to keep everything going, albeit on a lower then desirable level. This balancing act does have a price.  This will probably cause you to stay at this level for a long time or taper off to a lower level. You never jump upwards to a higher level.

Health professionals who address this kind of medicine contemplate nudging your body out of its balancing act to initiate it to take up balancing at a higher level. To enable this higher level, the body needs some help or supplementing of what it is missing. And a solid nudge to break its habit of functioning at the lower level.

He thought an osteopath might do me some good, help my intestines to get to a higher level of functioning. I’ll think about that too. For now I think that I can also get some enabling impulses from taking my rests dutifully and reconsider some foodstuffs.

pic by Cécile Graat

Now I’m home and I just send a thank you note to the professionals at the hospital who took my blood samples last Wednesday morning. When I presented at the counter I confessed to being a “spesiul snowflake” with low cortisol and that’s why I’m shaking and crying. They didn’t laugh or rolled their eyes, they just took care of me. Put me into the separate, soothing room with animals and animations on the walls. I was as stressfree as possible and very grateful not to be thought a nuisance.

With cortisol at 0,3 instead of 25-60 I was a trembling spesiul snowflake indeed…

pic by Carlo Winkelmann

Now I want to go and ink. I made some pencil drawings over tea this morning. But I am a good little snowflake and will take my rest instead. Passing toilet, going pee.

Ain’t this grand, I have a cold!

The sniffles. A snotneus. Inflamed throat. Just the common cold.

Haven’t gotten one for years, what with my immune system all in harms through lack of soothing cortisol levels. Used to get them all the time before I got Adrenal Fatigue.

Now I’m even more confused than usual about how to get through a day healthily.

My body clearly is under extra stress now so I should take more hydrocortisone, right? But more cortisol will dampen the imune system more, crippling its ability to fight this cold. The third side of the coin is that I am under extra stress to be in optimum health PRONTO because we’ve planned a family trip and I’m not well enough, even without the cold.

I feel stupid. Because there’s no clear strategy to be decided upon. And the more I stress the more vulnerable I get.

In the mean time I’ve been waken up from bodily stress after only 3 hours of sleep for five nights in a row now. (normally I get five with perhaps another two hours later in the night). Going that long on that few hours of sleep isn’t good. And it impairs my thinking even more.

One thing it does make clear is that I need that cortisol. I now take it at night, when I wake up in that fit of sweat, coughs and sniffles. It takes two hours for my body to calm down, I aid it with progesteron and hydrocortison because the first few nights taught me that without it my body will not calm down. Or have intestine motility.

It’s a strange experience to get to a calm place by taking hydrocortisone… An activating hormone. Calm enough to perhaps doze off for another hour when morning comes. Calm enough to tend to other bodily functions such as digestion. Relaxed muscles.

But is it a calm from rescuing the body from a shortage of cortisol or a calm from oppressing the imune system andthusly disabling the fight it needs to fight?

I really am without a clue.