Today I really have to work for my good mood!
pic by sanja gjenero
I’ve got so much to whine about ( feel free to skip the bullets, it really doesn’t matter what a person finds to whine about)
- Yesterday the optometrist told me she wants to test me for Myasthenia Gravis. My double vision got worse and I’ve got a droopy eyelid. This freaked me out a bit because MG is an auto-immune disorder where the receptors for neurotransmitter Acetylcholine are being wrecked. There’s no cure. (“or it might me MS”)
- I like Acetylcholine, it keeps the Parasympathetic Nervous System running. I do not want anything interfering with it, I have troubles enough as it is to get my Parasympathetic part come out to play in lieu of it’s dominant Sympathetic sibling. So I’m freaking out a bit!
- On top of that my period just ended, making estrogen surge, pushing everything out of order. (I have a vision now of another bully that runs through my veins, pushing other, more meeky kids out of the way, wrecking the wallpaper.)
- It usually takes a few days to adjust to the new hormonal order. I don’t want to wait.
- Today is Sinterklaas. Later today we’re going to visit a dear friend and we will spend the evening sharing gifts and funny poems. My gifts are not rubbish, I feel. And I have no inspiration for the 7 poems I still have to write.
- I promised to bring treats. Gluten- and sugarfree for me, lactosefree for her. The treats I tried to make yesterday failed. They were horrible. I threw them out. Will try again today but I’m so tired.
- There’s a huge storm coming today, we’ll be driving in it.
- We will be out until late tonight. Have to drive back. My sleep will be wrecked.
- got a parking ticket because I forgot to display our permit
- I have an ear ache.
- I’ve been nearly deaf for two weeks now, with charming pieces of toiletpaper sticking out of my ears. Have to go back to the doctor tomorrow morning (early!) for another round of “blast out that earwax and your eardrum”
- Being in the city for a few weeks now is taking its toll. I do not relax very well here. In the weekends we go back to the cabin but this hauling to and fro really tires me out. I’ve had it, I want a break.
- my intestines still want nothing to do with me. Pain, nausea.
- I’m cold.
So, you see, there’s plenty of stuff bringing me down.
But damned if I let it do so without some countermeasures! Yes, I am actively battling against the gloom.
pic by E.D. Plug
I consciously make an effort to concentrate on nice things and on funny things. I force myself to go make a cup of tea, to pet the cat (and really focus on that, feel it, loose myself in the moment), to actively look at nice things around me (yarn, gifts, cards from friends) and to actively remember nice things (the yarn party last Monday, nice comments). I move around a bit.
It’s a bit of a chore. But it’s a basic essential household chore: keeping the mind clean. Mental hygiene.
With all the connections between hormones, Nervous System, subconscious, conscious, brain chemistry and health, I’m not going to sit down and feel sorry for myself (very much). It would make me worse.
Even though I hate doing chores and this sure feels like one, I’m still doing it. I’m a good housewive *sigh*
I find that humour works for me. So here’s what I practically do:
With the ear-stuff and the eye-stuff I decided the exam for Big Bad Wolf would be easy to pass. I tried to imagine such an exam, complete with a narrative of mistaken identity and hilarious scenes, much like a cheesy x-mas block buster movie about ZZtop at Santa-school.
I play with the cat and a string as often as I can.
Wearing a skirt/dress in colours that make me happy (warm yellow, makes me look like death but makes me smile when I look down)
I read everything at the knitters forums of Ravelry.com with a funny voice in my head and an upbeat interpretation. I skip posts and news articles about people having problems or animals getting hurt.
Every few minutes I actively look up and glance around at my stuff (on the table, in my bag) and see, actually see, the things I have and then think about them. Nice yarn, nice mittens, new shawl, a notebook with an owl I got as a present, yarn I skeined up last Monday at a friend and how lovely that was, two owls I made out of toiletpaperrolls to glee my friend with tonight (she likes owls, green and construction for kids), progesterone cream and how fortunate I am that it is invented and for sale and so on and so forth.
Having a good mood, it’s a bit of work for us people who feel like crying.
PSPS. I’d cry if I thought it would it would do me good. Sometimes it does. But not today.