Having a day off from putting out the garbage.

I took the day off yesterday: I didn’t take my pills.

Did take the hydrocortison ofcourse. And vit. D. And lots of bio-identical progesteron. (I’ll be having my period any day now and my breasts were killing me. Also quite a bit of PMS symptoms so progesteron I took a lot of.  NPC creme on the breasts and Utrogestan pills orally. It helps.)

But I did not take Methyl B12 and no Folinic Acid nor Zinc.

Amazingly I felt better and better during the day and by the end of the day I caught myself singing while doing some house work. Yes, insert googly eyes here too!

At night I was so well that I made the conscious decision not to be bothered by some heavy trucks that were parked nearby, rumbling stationary throughout the night. I just turned 180 degrees in my bed so my feet were facing the noise, let out a sigh and thought of nice things:

I slept through the night!  As customary I did wake up after five hours of deep sleep but contrary to other nights I just turned on my other side and went back to sleep. No two hours of waking.

My conclusions from this day:

  1. I took one day off from detoxifying.
  2. I am detoxing on a physiological pace: one day at a time. Just like the hormones I take: no more than what the body can process in one day.
  3. underneath the detoxing I am quite healthy! I’m so glad to note how well I felt during the day. That is my baseline, my point of reference. The detox-symptoms have clouded it for months now but I feel really assured to have it resurface so soon.
  4. this MTR/MTRR detoxification uses a lot of progesteron. In the whole Methylation cycle progesteron is needed. Other people with these mutations should know this, especially women.


in other news: I have elaborated my theories on human cell biology.

I think each cell has the habit of storing garbage in the outer tips of its cell. In this fantastic little video of a white bloodcell chasing a bacterium amongst red blood cells you see how it drags along a black kind of tail behind itself. I believe this to be the cellular rubbish bin, stored in a place where it interferes the least.


link to video of white blood cell chasing and engulfing a bacteria. Yay body defense system!

When the cell divides the two daughter cells each get one tip of rubbish. This garbage gets handed down to the next generation with each cell division. It progresses down the line and builds up a little with each cell life. Eventually it’s the outer cells that inherit the most rubbish from previous generations. The cells between them inherit less rubbish from their parents.


tidbits: it takes cells 20 minutes to divide. Unless it’s a special cell, then it can take hours. Red blood cells live up to 140 days. (I am quoting from memory…)

In ‘normal humans’ each cell clears out a lot of its garbage via the Methylation Cycle.

In ‘freaky interesting humans’ with mutations in the Methylation Cycle this day-to-day rubbish isn’t getting cleared away and remains in the cells. Stored in the tips. Eventually it gets passed down to next generations as shown by my ‘interesting’ sketch above.

In the end the cell cannot divide anymore, it dies and spills all its contents in the extracellular space where other cells try and clean it up. Store it in rubbish bags of their own.

In my 30+ years me and my cells have gathered a lot of garbage. All the broccoli I ate that I couldn’t process. Any alcohol (including the ones in beauty products), any exhaust fumes, anestetic. Garlic. Cell debris from x-rays.

My cells stored so much garbage, I believe, that their overall functionality eventually got hindered. Putting my body under stress, causing system wide symptoms of illness. In my case: hormonal imbalance, stress illnesses, adrenal misfunction, malnutrition, sugar addiction etc. And lets not forget behaviour and sensitivities that remind my doctor of people with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

It could as easy have been a late onset auto-immune disease or diabetes, I feel. Or a ‘vague’ illness we mainly associate with women. (such as ME, CFS, Irritated Bowel Syndrome, etc).

Well. Today leisure is over, it’s back to cleaning up garbage for me.

I wonder how long it takes, how long it will be before the rubbish is cleared and I can get my mind back… Yesterday I even thought about art and design and working! But as long as there’s rubbish I cannot. I do have to amend that legal/technical document this week however, to prevent the shit-fermenting-plant they are planning to build in the field next over. That will be quite enough to keep my rubbish mind busy.
And there’s my period, today or tomorrow. I am prepared: there is food in the house, warm blankets and lots of earplugs. No visitors. I will have a blissfull two days to myself. Just drinking tea, holding my tummy and writing that paper.



Depression lies. And so does the brain.

The Bloggess writes a weird and funny blog and sometimes she writes posts about being depressed. She writes honestly about depression and how it lies. Depression lies in general. In her case, it is caused by faulty chemistry and -thusly- is corrected by chemistry which take a while to kick in at the right dose which make for dark episodes.

I’m not sure if I’m depressed. I gather not because my moods swing from dark to lark many times a day. There’s probably another professional word for my case. And I am sure it is chemically caused also. Except I do not believe so when I am at a low. Or at a high, for that matter. In both cases I am convinced this is me. It feels like me,

The dark times are especially hard. Because at those time I see very clearly how life is put together, in general, for all living things. The fabric of life, the structure, the mechanics, the meaning. All of it.

And I see how my life has gone, from year to year, and how events influenced and shaped me, especially my spirit and heart. How I got hurt, misunderstood, thwarted and damaged. I notice these things with a clinical eye. Accepting that that is how life progresses.

That part makes me desperate.

The clear and calm analysis matched with the pain it causes.

On days like these I have to work very hard to tell myself it is all a lie. That my glasses are askew. That my brain is not functioning properly. That, even though it is a logical sound construction of thoughts, there is a fault. The crux is that the fault is not in the logic. It must be somewhere else. Perhaps in the premisse. Or in the value I attach to logic or clarity of mind. Over matters of the heart, I presume. (the problem with that being that my heart hurts so very much, stabbed my memories of events gone by or burning hopes)

Either way, there’s a lie here.

Yesterday I ate all kinds of bad foods. I had friends over and a wonderful day. I was over the moon. Full of plans. Today is a logical reaction to all those things, especially after a bad nights sleep. So my brain lies to me today. Probably.